Let’s Talk About Sleep

When I look in the mirror I almost always see dark circles under my eyes. It’s an unfortunate combination of genetics and my complicated relationship with sleep. It’s complicated because I love bed, and I love sleep - and yet I rarely seem to get enough of it.

Often I wake up in the morning feeling as though I’m emerging from a coma, watching my husband leap out of bed while I need to rip the bandaid off slowly, taking those extra few minutes to transition before I can get out from under the covers.  

Some mornings there’s a minor miracle and I wake up feeling refreshed and energised and I wonder sometimes whether this is how everyone else feels in the morning?  Either way, I need more days like that. Do you?

I want you to know that you’re not alone, and that I’ve discovered some things that help.

The Big Idea is this -

How well you sleep at night has everything to do with what goes on during the day.

And it’s not just rushing from one thing to the next that impacts your sleep, it’s also how busy you are mentally and emotionally.

Here’s what I’ve discovered. 

If your mind is crowded and busy during the day, you’re likely to wake up at night processing the thoughts that didn't get enough attention during the day. 

What Can Help 

Use the gaps in the day, like when you’re waiting in line or for the microwave, to let your mind be at rest. Rather than picking up your phone and taking in more information, give your mind a chance to process what’s already there. Take a breath, come back to the present and let your mind be where your body is. 

If your mind jumps to an interaction you had with your partner that morning or a vague uncertainty about whether you’ve over-scheduled the weekend, let your mind take care of it then. Give it your attention, or plan to  follow up in some way later. 

This mental ‘groundedness’ will help your mind to stay calm and more easily make decisions and resolve issues during the day, leaving fewer things to turn into night-time gremlins.  

If you’ve got an emotional backlog of feelings - like guilt, resentment, pain or discouragement - these things will keep you up at night. (And, as an unfortunate bonus, they will feel bigger then too).

What Can Help

Make a habit of sharing how you’re feeling with a friend or loved one. The idea is not to try and solve the problems that led to the feelings, but just to acknowledge how you feel. It doesn't have to be a time consuming download of all your deepest issues, just enough to acknowledge how you’re feeling. If you don't have anyone to do this with, it will also help to take 10 minutes to write down what’s going on for you.  

Addressing your feelings directly will allow them to be processed rather than lurking in the background. Our feelings are there whether it’s convenient or not, and feelings that you’ve acknowledged during the day are far less likely to bother you at night.

(If you’re not sure what’s going on for you, pay attention to anything that has an emotional ‘charge’ to it or that you keep turning over in your mind).

If you don’t have a handle on your organisation, you’ll be anxious at night about details.

What Can Help

There are lots of ways to stay organised and free up your mind for a good night time rest, but a key component is what productivity expert Chris Bailey calls ‘externalising’. This means keeping a list or some other kind of record of details like what you need to do and what you need to remember. 

If you have a reliable system for recording these things you’re less likely to have a sudden panic during the night when you remember something. You’ll also feel more confident if you can remind yourself that you have a system for staying on top of things. 

You don’t need to be an organisational guru. You just need a way that works for you to keep the basics under control. 

If you’d like more help with getting organised you can find a free 10 Minute Day Planner and short Guide to creating a Family Brains Trust at susannegerstmyer.com.  I also talk more about sleep in Breaking Free of Busy if you’re keen to learn more.

As with all of the things I share, my life is a work in progress. But ’m happy to report that my relationship with sleep is improving. I understand more now than I did in the past about what gets in the way of good rest and the strategies that help.

What about you? What’s your biggest challenge when it comes to sleep?