To The One Who Is Frustrated
When life isn't the way it should be, things feel immovable and unreasonable. When something that’s important to us isn’t right, it’s hard.
We get wound up in knots, caught in loops of rumination, zooming the microscope in on what we wish was different, mistakes we made or rehearsing things we’ll say or do next time. Sometimes the problem is someone else. Sometimes it’s us.
Frustrating as frustration is, it reminds us of our values, and it’s right to give our energy and attention to what matters to us. But where we struggle is that we get stuck in frustration - like a rear tyre in 3 feet of mud, spinning our wheels but not getting anywhere. And the more frustration takes over, the more it impacts the way we respond to everything else.
So, what can we do?
We can take a breath and give our full attention to how we’re feeling. We can acknowledge that it’s hard and that our feelings and reactions make sense. What we do next depends on what’s going on.
😤 When we made a mistake or wish we chose something different...
We can offer ourselves compassion, acknowledge what we’ve learned and remind ourselves that this is not the end - we can make a different decision next time. Life does not require perfection and no one moment defines the story.
😤 When we’re frustrated with someone else…
We can remind ourselves that everyone’s behaviour makes sense in some context, we just don't always know the why. We can take a moment to sift through our feelings, and decide whether we want to tell the person how we’ve been impacted, or process our feelings on paper or with someone else that we trust.
😤 When we’re frustrated with our circumstances…
We can problem solve the things that are in our control, and grieve the ways in which life isn’t the way we hoped for. We can acknowledge that we’re in a tug-of-war and mentally let go of the rope. We can take ourselves out of the fight, release the energy that’s being consumed and re-focus on what is working.
Life is imperfect and messy and feeling frustrated at times is part of the deal. But the silver lining of frustration is that it tells us what’s important, and shows us that we’re alive and invested. Frustration reminds us that we care, and what we care about. If we know how to work with frustration, we can move through it rather than getting stuck in it.