3 Steps To Change Your Relationship With Rest This Year

Several years ago, I was walking with a friend and she commented that she was feeling tired that day. She asked me how I was doing energy wise and I found myself saying that I was also tired, but that was normal for me. In that moment, something dawned on me.  I realised that I didn’t actually expect to feel any different. 

My ‘situation normal’ was feeling run down, on edge, frustration simmering just below the surface, resentment when other people seemed relaxed, and nursing a vague sense of sadness that I now know comes from ignoring myself and my needs. Feeling this way was something I’d stopped trying to fix - and perhaps even stopped recognising as a problem.

But what if tiredness wasn’t our ‘situation normal’ - or if we at least started to think of tiredness as an issue, a sign that requires attention and action?

If you feel even more exhausted at the thought of having something else to fix, I hear you. You’re probably in what I call  ‘Doer Mode’ - living like a productive machine working through your to-do list. Or in ‘Pleaser Mode’, giving away more time and energy than you’ve got. 

But there is hope - and you can change this way of living with small, realistic changes. Here’s how.

1. Shift Your Thinking

Start by reminding yourself that rest is necessary - not a luxury or an optional extra for people who don’t have as much on. You deserve rest. You don’t need to earn it. We rest first to fuel up for what we need to do. Rest comes first, not as a necessary concession because you’ve collapsed in a heap. It’s like driving.  You don’t expect to drive your car and then put fuel in. The fuel goes in first.

2. Make It Realistic

Changing anything requires effort, and when you’re running on empty the last thing you probably feel like is something that requires effort. So we need to start small - really small, by taking short ‘Mini-Breaks’. In my book, Breaking Free of Busy, I talk about Mini-Breaks this way -

‘Use small (five-to-fifteen-minute) windows of time during the day to take a mini-break. It could be a few minutes sitting in the car before school pickup, lingering in the shower, or treating yourself to a coffee while you’re waiting for an appointment. When you encounter these cracks in your day, use them to refill your tank. Better still, think through your day beforehand and look for potential cracks, and then plan those break times into your schedule. (I call this “planning the pause.”)

Beware the temptation to use these times to scroll through social media or check email. I still fall into this trap all the time. Those activities may feel appealing, but they still keep your mind busy and can trigger stress and comparison: these breaks don't restore you. It’s more helpful to just sit quietly, breathe, and allow yourself to just stop. Try things like stretching, paging through a magazine, sitting outside, or reading a few pages of a book. Some of the calming techniques from Chapter 3 on dealing with overwhelm would be great here.

Start with once per day and build from there.

How It Helps

Taking a few minutes to rest will make you more productive in the long run, building your reserves for what is yet to come that day and helping you show up as your best self. I used to feel as though the small cracks in the day wouldn't make any difference to how I felt. They seemed like a tiny sip of water when I was thirsty enough for a gallon. But these pauses have made all the difference, especially in being able to cope with unexpected curve balls later in the day. They do add up, and something is always better than nothing.’

3. Reach Out For Support

Once you’ve shifted your thinking and set your intention to take mini-breaks, talk to someone close to you and explain what you need and what you’re trying to do. This will help you feel supported.

You can also ask someone close to you to follow up and ask how you’re doing with making time for rest. This creates accountability.

Tip: It’s in our nature to want to seem like people who follow through with what we say we’ll do, so telling someone is a great step to help you take action. 

Once you start making small windows of time for rest, it’s worth thinking about your needs in a bigger way. In Breaking Free of Busy I talk about the Four Investments - the four areas of life where we have particular needs. This is a great tool for figuring out exactly what’s missing when you’re feeling tired, unfulfilled, restless or resentful. 

How are you planning to make time for rest this year?

What are your biggest challenges when it comes to rest?