Handling Mistakes
We’re all human and, inevitably, we all make mistakes or we wish we’d done something differently – in our parenting, work or in any area of our lives. I’ve been reflecting how I handle mistakes, and how I can respond in a way that’s helpful and constructive. Here’s what I’ve come up with...
1. Zoom Out
This means stepping back and looking at things from a macro rather than a micro perspective. When we’re stressed our perspective gets narrow and fixed and we lose the bigger picture – one that is often better than the specific situation of problem we’re currently thinking about. When you zoom out you’re better able to see how things are going overall.
2. ‘Book End’
It’s easy to fall into the trap of looking at things in terms of two options - ‘pass/fail’. There’s what we did and what we should have done. Only 2 options. Book Ending involves adding a third option.
Let me give you an example. During the week I had a conversation with one of my kids that I later wished I’d handled differently. Rather than thinking ‘I did it wrong, I should have said A and instead of B’ - I expanded my scale to include a third option – not having made the time to have the conversation at all.
Better still, add in some more options so that you have a more realistic perspective.
3. Connect
When we fall short or mess up outright, our natural tendency is to shrink back and hide. This disconnects us and magnifies the impact of what we’re regretting.
Reaching out and sharing things with a trusted friend reminds us that we’re not alone. Rather, we’re part of a broader world of women who are also imperfect and doing their best. This mindset connects us and eases our experience rather than making it worse.
4. Have Compassion
As women we’re great at offering compassion to others, but we offer this to ourselves as well. This may seem a bit strange if you’re not used to the concept of self-compassion, but I would really encourage you to try it. Tell yourself the things you would say to validate and empathise with a friend in the same situation. It actually makes a huge difference.
And, of course, we can apologise and make amends where we need to. This was the gold I was going to write about, but as women what we often need most is to remember to be constructive and kind towards ourselves as well as our people.